Memories float above me....

In the past two years my life has changed so much that I forget that I had a family, a husband and children once.  Last night I went to a baby shower with my new love Jeremy.  His friend Jenns daughter's shower.  I made three little hats, which I should have taken pictures of, darn me!  Anyway as I sat there watching her open her presents, and I took pictures for Jenn on her phone.  I starting remembering my own showers, for my children, how small they were just a few friends, not big affairs like the one I was at.  The memories flew thick around me, and I was almost lost in what once was.  How I had a home, a beautiful life, a husband who I thought adored me and two beautiful children.  And now that is all gone.  


My one consolation is that even though I no longer have a family, I have my children.  And even though they live in Germany, they are still on this earth.  But oh how I miss them.  I miss hearing them laugh and giggle, I miss their random hugs, I miss making them dinner, and I miss the sound of their beautiful voices.  The hardest thing I've ever done was give them over to their Dad to live in Germany.  What's hardest is that their father has no idea how hard it has been for me to live without my darlings.  How sometimes it aches so bad to be without them I believe I shall go mad. 


Finding new love with Jeremy I honestly believe has helped me so much.  If you've read my other blogs you know that I never thought I would find love again, let alone find someone who would even look twice at me.  Yet here I am in love with this wonderful man.  Who does truly adore me, and gives of himself as much or more than I give of myself.  I never thought to find love like this.  And hopefully the memories I make here will flow thick around me once again, while I have other things to think about.  

Intrestingly enough...again

...it took me over an hour to find my old blogs and decipher passwords, update settings, etc.  However what's interesting is that while looking at those blogs my memories converged on me like a cat on a mouse.  I was transfixed, inundated by scraps of the past, pieces I definitely didn't want to see.  My life is a barren waste of old memories and what's left of the life I had.   I've had to piece together a new life, amiss the crumbling shambles that was my marriage and what became of it.  This new blog is going to be about how I am rendering a new existence in a sea of torrential rain.  How new love has brought joy to my sole, and how old loves have been buried and are now no more than fond memories. It's a log of things that have been festering in my mind for two years and have not been let out to breathe.  There's so many thoughts crammed into my mind and it's about time I got a few things off my chest.