In the past two years my life has changed so much that I forget that I had a family, a husband and children once. Last night I went to a baby shower with my new love Jeremy. His friend Jenns daughter's shower. I made three little hats, which I should have taken pictures of, darn me! Anyway as I sat there watching her open her presents, and I took pictures for Jenn on her phone. I starting remembering my own showers, for my children, how small they were just a few friends, not big affairs like the one I was at. The memories flew thick around me, and I was almost lost in what once was. How I had a home, a beautiful life, a husband who I thought adored me and two beautiful children. And now that is all gone.
My one consolation is that even though I no longer have a family, I have my children. And even though they live in Germany, they are still on this earth. But oh how I miss them. I miss hearing them laugh and giggle, I miss their random hugs, I miss making them dinner, and I miss the sound of their beautiful voices. The hardest thing I've ever done was give them over to their Dad to live in Germany. What's hardest is that their father has no idea how hard it has been for me to live without my darlings. How sometimes it aches so bad to be without them I believe I shall go mad.
Finding new love with Jeremy I honestly believe has helped me so much. If you've read my other blogs you know that I never thought I would find love again, let alone find someone who would even look twice at me. Yet here I am in love with this wonderful man. Who does truly adore me, and gives of himself as much or more than I give of myself. I never thought to find love like this. And hopefully the memories I make here will flow thick around me once again, while I have other things to think about.
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